(191) STOP IT!

I like to blog at least once a week, but I’ve been busy taking depositions, and I have fallen behind. Sorry, I’ll do better in the future.

A criminal enterprise sent packages of marijuana to random homes. One of the packages arrived at the home of the mayor of Berwyn Heights, Maryland. His wife received the box and signed for it. Moments later the police kicked in the door and killed the family’s two dogs, handcuffed the mayor and left him on the floor for two hours. Of course, they did not believe him when he told them that he was the mayor.

Stop this stupid waste of resources. Let everyone out of prison who has been convicted of marijuana sales, use or possession, and let them out regardless of their past record. If they were violent criminals 30 years ago, that shouldn’t have anything to do with their release on the current charges.

* * * * *

ANTHRAX REVISITED
Bruce Irvins had a history of paranoia, obsessive and delusional thinking. A co-worker said he was a ‘manic basket case.’ When he could not get enough monkeys on which to experiment, he went public and poisoned (or so it has been alleged) some citizens. When the net was closing around him, he killed himself.

The strange part, as you may have guessed, was he was allowed to keep his job at the Military’s top biological lab! When the immigration officials allowed the 9/11 attackers into the country with the notation, ‘To be watched’, we lost our civil rights. What is the government going to do to us now? Clearly this is another instance where the government was at fault. Yet nothing was done, and no one was disciplined for the stupidity.

Respectfully submitted,

Donald M. Heavrin

(190) OH! THE MILK OF HUMAN KINDNESS

God has us under constant surveillance, thus proving the obvious, i.e., God doesn’t give a damn. Otherwise he would make some remedial corrections to his grand invention.

The Moslem hordes have never forgiven the Jews because, according to legend, the Jews met Mohammad on the road and decided that he was not the messenger of God. What?! Huh!?

Mohammad was born about 570 CE and died in 632 CE. When did the Jew meet him? Where did the meeting occur? I have also noticed that Jews do not recognize Jesus as the messenger. Also, they have rejected Buddha as the messenger. Bottom line is all of this crap is just another excuse to kill your neighbor, as if humans needed an excuse to kill each other.

My friend, David Schwanzengruber, told me an amazing story Saturday at our weekly lunch. It seems that John Q. Citizen was arrested and charged with murder and rape. JQC confessed to the murder. He said he wanted to rape the woman, but she fought too hard, and he had to kill her. He was convicted of rape and murder. A semen sample was recovered and preserved. It was in the day before DNA was used to identify criminals. The semen sample recovered from the victim was entered into the DNA data base years later. The convict’s DNA was also taken and entered into the data base. As he promised, his DNA didn’t match. In the next chapter of the saga Chuck Gould was arrested on a totally unrelated charge. His DNA was taken, and shazam!, it matched the semen found in the body of the murder victim. What was Chuck Gould’s job? Amazingly he was in charge of the county morgue. He had his own private stock of sex partners!

Can you imagine how sick and disgusting humans would be if God wasn’t watching every minute of every day?

The more absurd the doctrine, the stronger the belief, e.g., the Taliban forbids recycled paper because it could contain a speck from a discarded Koran.

Respectfully submitted,
Your Religious Adviser,
Donald M. Heavrin

(189) BOB CATO AND OTHERS

My friend, Donna Mancini, sent me a freedom reminder. She wrote, "Think for yourself."

Short, sweet, and to the point. Regrettably, humans, and in particular citizens of the United States, will not think for themselves. It is shocking the number of people who want to live in a nanny world. ‘Oh, please, feed me, and give me what I want. Then I’ll be a happy fellow. I don’t want to think for myself or be responsible for myself.'

* * * * *

My friend, Bob Cato, died two weeks ago. We had many adventures together, including a few barroom fights. When someone was threatening me, I had two responses: sometimes I would say, "You have to bring ass to get ass." My other response was, "Don’t let anything but fear keep you from attacking."

We were sitting in a saloon in Lexington, when a douche-bag from a rival fraternity started bad-mouthing Bob’s fraternity. Bob was never one to back down from a conflict, and the exchange was hostile and escalating. I never understood fraternities, so I sat quietly and listened. Finally, when it looked like there was going to be a fight, Bob said, "If you don’t leave me alone, I am going to commence about your head and shoulders with great rapidity." The guy said, "Huh?" and walked away. After that, I gave up my pat insults and adopted Bob’s. Over the years, I think it kept me out of several fights. Thank you, Bob.

I will give you more information in future blogs. Here’s to Bob, bless him. I remember him well.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Sad Servant of Truth

(188) THE INSANITY CONTINUES

It was just another weekend in the human experience. Fifty people were killed in Baghdad when female suicide bombers blew themselves up and took a number of people with them. It is impossible to defend yourself when someone is willing to die in order to kill you. As I said, it is impossible for our troops to live and work in a society that teaches its young that the United States is the great Satan, and the way to Paradise is to kill the great Satan by killing yourself.

Meanwhile across the ocean, some nut case entered a Unitarian church and killed two people and wounded eight others. In the hierarchy of religions, the Unitarians are by far the most benign religion of which I know. The Amish are rife with their own brand of insanity and sexual abuse of the female members of the clan.

The stated reason behind the shooting at the Unitarian church was that they allow gay men and women to join the church. Obviously this was a lunatic from some other wild-eyed religious group who foolishly thought he was doing his God’s work.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Worried Servant

QUICKIE V

Quickie V: July 25, 2008

On the Morning Show one day this week I saw a Mexican doctor who spoke English without the benefit of an accent. His family was destitute in Mexico, he entered the United States illegally as a young man, became a share cropper, worked his way into school, then attended college and graduated. Along the way he became a citizen. Then he went to the Harvard Medical School where he graduated first in his class. He is now a neurosurgeon who specializes in brain tumors/cancers, and he does cancer research for a university, as well as teaching neuroscience at medical school, thus proving the adage that we should have learned a long time ago, vis-a-vis, everyone is different, and it’s hard to stereotype a human being. They asked him if he thought it was a good idea to build walls to keep Mexicans from entering the United States, and his answer was dead-on. He said, "If there are people starving to death, it doesn’t make any difference how tall you make the wall or how wide you make the wall. They’re going to find a way to get into the country." Hunger is a great motivator.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin
(502) 585-4324

(187) BUREAUCRATIC DISHONESTY

For several years, I have used this example to illustrate the stupidity of the government, however, I have not thought about it in some time until I read Ron Paul’s book The Revolution, and I laughed out loud!

Let’s have a historic moment. Harry Anslinger headed the federal government’s bureau of narcotics. His principle argument against cannabis was that it had deleterious effects on degenerate races (Mexicans). There was a wide-spread belief that Mexicans use "marijuana" and a state Senator in Texas declared that, "All Mexicans are crazy, and this stuff, marijuana, is what makes them crazy." Notwithstanding the racial overtones, Congress proceeded to call two witnesses. One witness (William Woodward) representing the American Medical Association said the legislation was medically unsound and a product of ignorance and propaganda. He went on to say that the American Medical Association knows of no evidence that marijuana is a dangerous drug. One of the Senators said, "If you can’t say anything good about what we are trying to do, why don’t you go home?" The next speaker was some fruit-loop named James Munch, who said that he had injected 300 dogs with the active ingredient in marijuana and two had died. Before the whole Congress, the Congressman from New York asked, "Mr. Speaker, what is this Bill about?" and the answer: "I don’t know, it has something to do with a thing called marijuana. I think it’s a narcotic of some kind."

The next question, "Does the American Medical Association support this Bill?" Notwithstanding the clear, unequivocal testimony of Dr. Woodward, the Speaker said, "Dr. Woodward came down here and they support this bill 100%." An absolute, bald-faced lie. Naturally, the Bill passed, and Anslinger set out to find an official expert on marijuana to serve at the Federal Bureau of Narcotics. There was Dr. William Woodward, Dr. Woodward’s assistant, and the idiot James Munch. Since Munch was the only person who agreed with the government’s position, he was appointed the official expert.

Now, this is where I came in. In various lectures that I have given at seminars at Seminary over the years, I have repeated with some enthusiasm the following story: Munch was called as an official expert to testify in criminal cases about the insanity-inducing properties of marijuana. In his testimony in a New Jersey Court, Munch admitted to having used the drug himself. When he was asked what happened after he used the drug, he stated, "After two puffs on a marijuana cigarette, I TURNED INTO A BAT!" After he turned into a bat, he said he flew around the room for 15 minutes. The ever-alert defense jumped on that like a duck on a June bug, and murderers started testifying, ‘After two puffs on a marijuana cigarette, my incisors grew six inches long and dripped with blood. I was insane and that explains why I killed the innocent people.’

This position was so incredibly stupid, that Anslinger informed Munch that his job was in jeopardy if he continued to testify that he turned into a bat.

My God, the human animal has survived by virtue of his/her ability to reason! The dolts in Washington are well aware of the fraud, lies, and prejudice connected with marijuana prohibitionary laws and yet do nothing except put more people in prison.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Hoping for someone who can think to get elected.

(186) LETTERS FROM AFAR

Since we have more oil than Saudi Arabia, my friend, MHF, who is paranoid, believes that the Democrats always vote against drilling because they want the price of oil to go up, especially when Republicans occupy the White House. However, there is a glitch in his paranoid thinking. John McCain also voted against drilling at ANWR. Therefore, I’ve reached an amazing conclusion. Politicians will say anything depending on which way the wind is blowing. Thank you, MHF, for the informative email.

* * * * *

My friend, GFS, sent me an interesting observation. It seems that a World War II veteran arrived in France, and while going through French Customs, they asked to see his passport. He fumbled around in his carry-on bag before he found it. The guard asked, "Have you been to France before?" and the man said, "Yes." Then the customs agent said, "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready." The elderly man replied, "The last time I was here, I landed at Omaha Beach on D-Day in 1944 to help liberate France, and I couldn’t find any Frenchmen to show it to." Thank you, GFS.

Respectfully submitted,

Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Servant of Truth
in the Garden of Life

Quickie U

July 9, 2008

Carl Sagan observed that there are more galaxies than there are stars in the Milky Way. Wow! Does that make us feel even more insignificant than usual.

In other news, in the world of collective nouns, such as a pride of lions, the correct collective noun for jurors is a damming of jurors.

Submitted for your continuing education.
Sincerely yours,
Donald M. Heavrin

(185) ANOTHER POLITICAL HORROR SHOW

Nancy Pelosi is an idiot. If you look at her carefully, she has the classic deer-in-the-headlights look, and it amazes me that she has been elected Speaker of the House. How in the world did she arrive at this distinguished position? She is currently advocating a tax on Social Security benefits, IRAs, and any other retirement plans she can get her hands on. Because the Democrats have taken over in Congress, it is likely that these draconian taxes will pass. Her theory is another whine about windfall profit tax.

What is the stated reason for imposing these taxes? Amazingly, she is straight forward about it. She wants to equalize the income of all citizens in the United States. Is she a relative of Karl Marx?

* * * * *

In other news, Bill Maher has made a movie entitled, "Religious." In the movie he is supposed to ask the obvious question, ‘Why do people love religion?’ He says the movie engages us in the final battle between intelligence and stupidity. Frankly, I am anxious to see it, although I think the question is easily answered: people are religious because they don’t like the concept of dying, they are miserable in this life and look forward to a better life in the future. In an article for Playboy entitled, "Religion 101" he quotes John Adams who said, "The world would be the best of all possible worlds if there were no religion in it."

I totally agree. This movie is supposed to be a hilarious look at some of the weird stuff that people believe in the name of their gods. I didn’t specifically remember this, but once Maher spoke, I recalled that Mormons believe that American Indians were one of the Twelve Tribes of Israel. That, combined with the fact that they are baptizing, marrying, and converting dead people to Mormonism, makes this one of the stranger religions on the planet. Naturally, it is one of the fastest growing religions in the USA.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Religious Advisor

(184) TERRIFIED BY THE WAR ON TERROR

My alter ego, Ms. Victoria, who provides information that is small, wonderful and weird, has provided me with an article that says the FBI was not paying its phone bill on the wire taps it had set up under the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, and an agent purportedly stole $25,000 out of his office. Also, one field office was $66,000 past due on its phone bills. I don’t know how this information was acquired, but the FBI has been really quiet about the agent stealing the money and it being unable to pay its phone bill.

Victoria has also provided me with a fascinating article in which the writer notes that the war on terror has created a culture of fear in America. By golly, that’s something I’ve been saying for two or three years. The only product the government sells is fear. As a result of our pernicious fear, we think it’s practicable, reasonable and of great value for the Department of Immigrations to have people entering the country filling out a form that states their purpose of entering the country. Can you imagine a bona fide terrorist writing down, ‘I’m entering the country to blow up buildings and kill people?’

This is like the airport gestapo refusing to let me enter an airport with an unopened bottle of orange juice that I purchased 20 feet away from the security entry point. I had to throw the bottle away and buy one inside of the security area. I told the bureaucrat conducting the suitcase investigation to throw the bottle away. I wasn’t going to go out, drink it and then stand in the line again to clear security. After she threw it in the garbage, she got to thinking, ‘Well, that was probably a bottle of high explosives, and is set to go off in the garbage can.’ So she fished it out and carefully examined the bottle before she threw it back in the garbage again.

At the Federal Court House they have a mind boggling system. It involves the usual metal detectors, which are essential in this day and age, but you also have to present a photo ID. First, the security station is 30 feet inside the doorway. Someone wanting to damage the Federal Building could drive a car up the steps, through the door, and blow the hell out of the building in the 30 feet between the spot where ID’s are being checked and the front door. Or, someone bent on killing themselves, as well as blowing up the building, could simply enter, walk up to the place where ID’s are checked and detonate themselves, or they could run right through the metal detector and down the hall, and somewhere in the middle of the building detonate themselves. Or, they could show a photo ID, have plastic explosives on their person and go anywhere in the building. The photo ID being a security measure is a myth of cosmic proportions. Is there anyone out there who believes that a sophisticated terrorist organization would not be capable of making photo ID’s? This stuff is so off the wall that it’s humorous. However, the majority of the public believes government smoke and mirrors protect them from terrorism.

Also, about 40% of the public believes that the word of God, as presented in the Bible, Torah, or Koran is literally the true word of God, word for word.

Obviously someone has to be wrong, and all of these documents have been revised so many times over so many centuries it is impossible to determine what the originals had to say. The Koran, for instance, which was held to be sacred by a large group of Muslims (Version A), was declared to be invalid, and a committee was founded to prepare the one true version. The committee produced the one true version (Version B), and the Grand Poobah ordered that Version A be confiscated and destroyed. This caused a schism in the Moslem world that is still going on.

Respectfully submitted,
Donald M. Heavrin,
Your Servant of Truth
in Bizzare-o-world